He was so understanding and apologized for the lack of communication and promised to try his best to communicate more. It is almost like I was forcing him to show that he cared. Yet he continues to text me daily, send me daily updates on everything he is doing, etc. but yeah I rlly love this guy and our relationship is dying. I asked him why he didnt and I wasnt yelling I only needed just an explanation. He has some really great qualities and some sh**y ones. He sounds willing to work on your relationship, be thankful for that. We spent four weekends together at his place and virtually every day together on a mutual project for a month. He just doesnt care. But theres other strange things he does, when we go on dates that require conversation like coffee or dinner, or drives, he doesnt start any conversations. No matter how much you wish your boyfriend was making more of an effort in your relationship, you have to remember that theres nothing you can do to change him. What I got from this is that it is OK for a male to not understand what he wants in a relationship, but a female should bow down down no matter what. Any advice is well appreciated. Should I just never expect to be treated the way he used to treat me? It lasted 4 days. Just torn and dont know what to do. He is the problem. But I look at him for him. and that is why up to now im still here with him despite the unhappiness. You can let go slowly at first and just start seeing other people. I reslect to my culture. Girl what? I feel like a roommate or guest or kept woman instead of woman he loves. His answer was, Havent I been patient enough? But since last year, he stopped doing that. And are you willing to invest more years/months than to call it off now? I love him very much, he often talks about our future, kids and stuff but he isnt willing to do any sacrifices for the relationship. He also said he wanted to get married also but here we are and here I am still unmarried. im not sure what to do anymore. Its so annoying because Im a feminist but I just want to feel secure. I have no idea what this is all about, but the roller coaster needs to stop, its too hard for me to deal with. Honestly,I am fully aware I do not want a relationship with someone who acts like this and makes me feel this way, but I am in love with him and our relationship is great, when he gives 100% which I can not let go of, when right now its about 10%. All I think of him is selfish & inconsiderate of everyones feelings but his own. I always let him initiate texting. He has been going through a lot, with an unsupportive family, a broken ankle, financial troubles, depressionbut I have been steady and I have been supportiveI have loved him so well. sometimes i question if he even has time for me at all. The first 4-5 months were amazing, a classic honeymoon phase for sure. ? Like WTF is your goal, here, exactly? He stopped foreplay. He understood, admitted he takes me fore granted and he would try harder. If he wants to make an effort to come visit you a few times you can see hes pulling his weight. The same month, I started my PhD program but I still made the time to see him. So guess what? He texts me every morning and night and we often text during the day. Were both divorced. He Finds Your Attention Diverted. Just because he's hot and cold doesn't mean he isn't attracted to you and is backing out. Somehow I always felt that he did it because of something I did. He say that he dosnt want to sex with me. They are both in their 40s and are so happy to find each other. If every word out of your mouth is an insult, a critique, or disparaging remark, My boyfriend is exactly the same and Ive been relating so much to what youve said in your post! But I guess it just shows how people handle stress. Then, youll know what to do when your boyfriend makes no effort in your relationship. but thats what made me fall in love with him and now that i feel like the efforts arent made or not even made but not wanted, not driven, not desired as he felt before. Let an iota of plea reflect. Maybe what you see as your boyfriends lack of effort is simply a normal part of being in a solid, comfortable relationship. Its been hard but there are better things to come. Ive been with my boyfriend for 4 years. Even when I have my moments he still comes back around. he said he had been trying to email me but i dont rlly believe it I never got anything. Now, he doesnt put effort. but when you asked him he keep saying i dont hate you i hate your attitude sometimes. Towards the end of September things exploded. Once I asked him for a selfie and he said no because he thought I only did it to prove something to people. Ive been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years now, i love him and I know he loves me back but, my biggest insecurity is him changing and being lazy in the relationship, which I have noticed he has been doing lately. Weve been together a year and a half now. Youll learn how to respond when your boyfriend stops texting you. Is Your Boyfriends Mother Ruining Your Relationship? You cant let him be the center of your life! I love my boyfriend, but just cant get the feeling that he feels the same. I want to tell him that having me over for take out and to spend the night is not enough. When I got back from fall breakEverything changed../me him and his sister made a plan for when i graduated, i was gonna move in with him and his sister and go to college around there but that changed to him getting an apartment and a moped and me moving in with him and going to college. I really think this will be a good thing for us because Ill be able to have my own independence and maybe make him see that I can be happy without him (even tho as of right now we are planning on staying together and commuting to each other when we can). Feel so down on a Friday night. He does not believe relationships should take work he doesnt want to have to work or make it work which is unrealistic. Need. Unless he drank to much then he was argumentative and yucky. I am tired of him not making a plan and his sudden switch in personalities. It makes me jealous he could spend time playing games with her not me. I cant let go of people. he is such a mystery. Something went down and he doesnt want to confess. Even though hes not there, I definitely dont sit home pining away for him. What did you end up doing ? Not in an highly expected way but just generally happy and loving! When you let go, you find peace and freedom. Don't be antagonistic towards him, but make him realize how much you After I voiced my frustration, he said hes been busy with trying to get a promotion at work and on his free time he spends it with his son. I guess what im really confused about is, Is he really just being comfortable or is he thinking that i would never leave him ( he knows) so it dosent matter how he treats me or how much effort he puts in? I had sent him links to little trinkets and gifts. Best to all! But hes continued to ignore my texts/ doesnt make effort to see me. What do I do? So I stated being more involved in his hubbies then usual and listening. if he told you he does not see a future with you, as hard as it is, you need to walk away now. I am 20 years old, and Ive been on and off with my boyfriend since we were both 13. I feel that I am confused and disappointed. I finally thought things were getting so much better for both of us. The truth is that there are a number of reasons that could cause your partner to check out emotionally. I was told by my therapist that I could be the one to plan the date myself and ask him out and even though I completely agree with her on that, I cant help feel now that if I were to do that and ask him on a date that he will think that he doesnt ever have to put in the effort of planning something, anything, and that if he waits long enough I will plan it for us so he doesnt have to. Im always the one who always ask. Because honestly when I do he always comes back around. 2 years ago, something was off in our relationship and he wasnt making effort with me, almost at all. InWhen He Doesnt Make Time for You: How to Create More Love in Your Relationship, Byron Katie shows a man how to build a better relationship by questioning thoughts such as I want him to spend more time with me.. I didnt really understand why he said that when I been there since day one and still been here but I wanted to also considered how he felt and change that. Adeli, I was in a long distance relationship for 1 year, so I understand. Oddly enough he always deflects- citing the behavior hes guilty of against me like Im the one doing what he is.? In the second year of the relationship we were going out a lot to bars and clubs, and he began to drink a lot, and would become very aggressive with me, and started to treat me bad. He was grateful but got me nothing. He only got me a childrens bear . He starts fights or creates conflict for no reason then blames me. He talks but does not deliver. Okay it became a longer answer than I expected! But hes not very ambitious and is a homebody which Im sure comes from pot smoking, makes u lazy. Now we seem so disconnected. A lot of times my boyfriend has realised he did it on purpose to hurt and he regrets his words right after. Now my mom did not know about my boyfriend i was afraid to tell her cause she probably wouldnt approve that he didnt go to school. You deserve to be treated well and loved the way you want to be loved. He was telling me about his plan for tomorrow and I asked about when we are supposed to go out, he acted annoyed and commented I knew you would be worried about that really? I dont want to beg for it, it should come naturally I feel. I just cant understand or relate to his lack of effort anymore. I dont know why he got back with me when he cant even put effort. Maybe hes just tired from working too much? We have been together about a year and a half, when we are together we have fun and our intimacy is great. Its always laying on the couch watching TV. Im confused by this guy I had been seeing before coronavirus lockdown. Hes shows effort but due to my insecurities I overthink when I stop seeing the efforts and assume the worst. He was wearing them every day when he started his new job. Write in your journal or diary, or share in the comments section below. He loves me and I love him. Im certain when he got up in the middle of the night drunk and angry because I was trying to cuddle and woke him up (he got dressed and turned all the lights on to start manically cleaning the house) that he probably threw them in the garbage. He also spends all is money on one of purchases like 600 pound shoes and then moans to borrow money while I foot the bill for car expenses etc.I feel like the only time he cuddles me is when he wants sex and if I have an excuse he immediately pulls away. But when we got home, there was another fight awaiting us. If hes not at work, hes in his reclyner n thats where he stays n doesnt get up unless he has to pee. He sense my seriousness and took me out on a date, told me he will make more time to spend with me once a week (Im busy too so once a week is good for me.) He can say he loves me and misses me million times a day but then he doesnt make an effort for us to be together when we could because hes just very comfortable. My boyfriend and I have been dating about 5 months weve known each other for quite a while in the 1st couple months was wonderful we talked a lot did stuff together laugh together he started working more and didnt have as much time is energy but I noticed that hes working obsessive until he absolute collapses he makes no time for me he keeps saying I cant wait till we have time again when I get these jobs done but nothing is an emergency hes not strapped financially he doesnt have to complete these things as fast as he does I go to his house and sleep a lot of nights with him thats kind of all were doing anymore were not even having sex but if I dont sleep over he calls me and text me I miss you so much I love you so much but he wont actually put in any effort to do anything with me Im so confused about about it Ive lowered my expectations again and again and hes just been just disconnected just not really even present Its like he knows he has me and he can just put me on a shelf until he feels like paying attention to me again and its not enough for me but I love him I know he loves me I dont know why he doesnt get it that this relationship is gonna die if he doesnt keep starving it. 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